08 June 2009 ~ Monday

Monday ~ Sucky day! Looking forward to going scrapping this evening.

Dan wants to pick up his things tonight; he should make an appointment not a demand, and check to see if I have plans first.


You flip flop on wanting a relationship and it's killing me, I can't do it anymore. But you didn't flip flop on going to spend the weekend with someone else, so I guess that says more about where you really want to be. I'm not seconds...never again. YOU made that choice now live with it. Congratulations to you...you committed to something and you followed through...big fucking mistake...but hey it's your mistake to deal with, not mine.

You justify yourself saying that it was none of my business, but you made it my business when you first told me about your little trip - the lie - and then every day when you told me you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me ---but the entire time, it was just bullshit as you had your little weekend planned to be with some one else!

And I'm supposed to believe in any way that I’m of value to you? For six years you have never trusted me, and yet you do something like this and I'm supposed to trust in you. I'm supposed to just accept that you needed this to figure out how you feel about me???? Do I look stupid? But I will tell you this; you certainly busted my bubble of the one thing that I had held onto no matter what for all these years. I no longer see myself as becoming your wife. It was one thing thinking that you were taking her to see your parents, but to know that the entire time you were telling me how much you loved me and wanted to be with me, that it was all contingent on your being with her first, and you weren’t' going to break that date - nope -- doesn't leave much for me.

It just shows that you may talk a lot of bs, about how you feel about me, but it's not true. You don't tell one person how much you love them and want to be with them the whole time having a plan to go fuck someone else. Why did you lie to me about it for all those weeks? Just to hurt me...well you did a good job. You certainly followed through on that one. You wonder why I have so little trust in you...well take a look! You lied to me about it because you knew that if I knew, then I would have had nothing to do with you and it would have been over as soon as you told me your REAL plans.

I'm so tired of hearing about how your friends don't like me...such a group of winners that you have as friends, the one that uses your girlfriend’s toothbrush, the unemployed one that steals your vehicle, and the druggies! Yep, you can count on these folks being there for you now that I'm out of the picture. Tell me hon, which of them HAS NOT come to you for a handout in the past two months?

And now after all this time, MY friends and family don't care for you either, but I never felt the need to keep repeating it to you. While I may love you deeply, I haven't been in love with you for a very long time. If only my brain could let go once my heart does, my life would be so much easier. How much longer was I supposed to wait for you to put a ring on my finger? Clearly it wasn’t important enough to you, but I will tell you this; you certainly busted my bubble of the one thing that I had held onto no matter what for all these years. I no longer see myself as becoming your wife.